The Hilariously Unscientific Guide to Becoming Taller

The Hilariously Unscientific Guide to Becoming Taller

Sarkis Bedikian

Let's face it, we've all wished we could be a little bit taller at some point in our lives. Maybe you've been to a concert where you saw nothing but the back of people's heads, or maybe you're tired of using tongs to reach the top shelf of your kitchen cabinet. Whatever the reason, here's a whimsically unscientific guide to making yourself taller.


1. Hang around in Space: The first and most scientifically accurate method is to become an astronaut. Yes, you read it right. Astronauts reportedly grow up to 2 inches taller when they're in space due to the lack of gravity. The downside? You'll shrink back to your original height once you're back on Earth. Plus, NASA isn't exactly handing out space travel tickets like candy.


2. The Stretch Armstrong Technique: Remember those Stretch Armstrong dolls that you could pull to incredible lengths? Well, you're not made of the same stuff, but daily stretches and exercises like swimming or yoga can help improve your posture, making you appear taller. Just don't expect to be dunking basketballs anytime soon unless you're already genetically gifted.


3. Become Best Friends with Milk: Remember how your mom always told you to finish your milk because it'll make you grow? Well, she wasn't entirely wrong. A balanced diet with enough calcium can help you reach your maximum potential height. But don't start bathing in milk; it won't turn you into the next Michael Jordan.


4. Sleep Like a Baby: They say that growth hormones are most active when you're asleep. So, get that beauty sleep and dream big. Literally! But remember, lying in bed all day won't make you taller, it'll just make you lazier.


5. The Magic Volo Alte Shoes: Ever heard of elevator shoes or height increasing shoes? They're the magic beans of the footwear world. Just slip them on and voila, you're instantly a few inches taller. Just make sure not to trip over your newfound height.


6. The Good Old-Fashioned Cheat: If all else fails, there's always the good old trick of standing next to someone shorter than you. It works every time!


Remember, these are all tongue-in-cheek suggestions. There's no surefire way to increase your height beyond what your genetics have predetermined. It's more important to embrace the height you've been given and stand tall, both literally and figuratively.


Remember, the best way to ‘grow’ is to develop your skills, broaden your mind, and expand your horizons. After all, you're as tall as your heart will let you be, and that's the height that truly matters.


If you are after the scientific guide, refer to

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